Thursday, November 26, 2009


Shortly before her mysterious disappearance, a young research assistant of Dr. Genuine's investigated late twentieth century claims that the Bitdyne Corporation had developed a microchip small enough to be implanted into the tissue of a living organism. Although Bitdyne initially denied these rumors, it eventually said it was developing such a chip to be implanted into canines trained for police or military functions. Once the chip was out of the bag, so to say, stories began circulating that the true purpose of the chip was to be implanted into humans so that their whereabouts would always be known. Allegations of Big Brother and a single world leadership fueled paranoid on both ends of political spectrum. Bitdyne assured citizens that none of this would ever happen.

Cross reference this, however, with reports from rural areas of men in black suits and little gray men with large, oily dark eyes, who were supposedly abducting the people who lived in these areas and subjecting them to horrible acts of examination. The cable program "In Our Midst" did a remarkable job of finding one such victim, and, by keeping the person's identity hidden, convinced said person to have a full body MRI that eventually revealed a small metallic sliver in this person's left buttock. Upon further examination, In Our Midst disclosed that the sliver was a microchip processor with GPS capabilities, a system that until recently, was considered to be of high level secrecy.

Again, Bitdyne denied any wrong doing. It claimed to have no understanding of how one of its classified items turned up in the butt of some unfortunate soul. Main stream media did a better job of insulting those who challenged Bitdyne rather than the corporation itself. One needn't dig too deep to understand why: Bitdyne eventually became a major of provider of off-network programming using satellites and roof mounted dishes. Bitdyne controlled the flow of information. Programming like In Our Midst became scarcer until eventually all such shows were gone. Thankfully, today we have the Internet that seems to be rather untouched by the crimp of corporate censorship.

But I digress. None of this matters now that we are faced with the zombie riots erupting globally.

Dr. Genuine's young assistant was about to announce that she had discovered a link between Bitdyne chips and the evolution of the zombie. She believed, without impunity, knowing full well what her knowledge could cost her, that zombies were nothing more than drones being controlled by secretly implanted chips from the Bitdyne Corporation. Using satellites it originally launched into space for entertainment purposes, Bitdyne has been directing the Implanted, as the assistant referred to them in her encrypted reports on her computer, to cause disruptions worldwide.

If this information is correct, it would mean that these zombies are not the walking dead, but, in fact, real and living individuals who, at the flip of a switch at Bitdyne, become mindless, flesh eating droids.

I ask you: Knowing this, would it be better if we were dealing with the undead instead of the non-undead?

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